my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
