when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
