I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
