12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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