I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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