tonight lets celebrate not being married
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
