after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
