12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
His hands were made for my vagina.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
