Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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