I showed him my bush... on skype.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
