we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
