I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
