Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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