rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
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