the condom got lost in my hair
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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