This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
