i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
