I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
