Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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