im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
