i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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