maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
