The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
