Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm always down for nudity.
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