She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
