you guys were way drunker than both of me
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
