During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
