If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
