i don't like sucking hair
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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