That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
