I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
