I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
