hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
two words...techno handjob
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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