ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
