Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You're like the curious george of whores
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
