so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
