I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
