At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
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