So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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