It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
