proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
