I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
