guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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