The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
cat food counts as protein by the way
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
