dude i'm inner monologue high
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
