Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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