we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
