I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I am puke
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I will be naked everywhere
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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