Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
