Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
