hotel room ftw
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
