I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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